uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
