Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
