I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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