this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
