I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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