Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
