I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
