yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
