fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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