He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
