So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
