You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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