She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
