You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
