My friends, they love my intelligence
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
