So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
