So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
