dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
