All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
