Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
