Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
