Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize