just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
