I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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