what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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