my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize