I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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