I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
