it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
