just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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