Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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