his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
