I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
