i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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