We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
