Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
