I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
