i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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