I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
