I looked at my own cervix.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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