There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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