ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize