So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And then he peed in my hair
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