Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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