You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
