I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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