forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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