I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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