Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
