I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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