im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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