woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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