We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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