What did we do last night that was yellow?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Boobs speak an international language.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
