I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
