You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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