Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
