hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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