hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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