Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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