kristin has been a bad kristin
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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