cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
