great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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