he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
