his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize