i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
