She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
