holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
