Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize