so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
