is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
