just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did i just pee glitter
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