She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
