moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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