at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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