Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
