I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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