There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
