Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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