I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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