Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
