her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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