my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
