I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
