just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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