Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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