it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
