At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
