I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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