Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
