in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
