I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
