Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
