I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
