I'm gonna have a badass scar
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Two words: blizzard sex
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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