Sry I called you an 8
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
two words: eviction party
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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